Desperate Cravings
by pandorabox82
Summary: He was surprised the first time she showed up at his apartment. By the third time it seemed to have become normal. But how long would it take before he admitted that he had gone and fallen in love with her? Inspired by the wonderful Jekkah!
1. Chapter 1

She had shown up at his apartment two nights after JJ and Will had gotten married, looking for all the world like a lost little girl. Which made no sense, given that she had a good five years on him, give or take. But she was crying piteously, and he could never let a woman cry in front of him without offering her comfort. Wordlessly, he opened his arms, and she stepped into them, letting him hug her senseless. "I thought you were spending a few days with Rossi," he murmured in her ear as he led her into his living room.

"So did I," Strauss whispered brokenly, before her tears obscured her words once more. Somehow, he got them to sit down on the couch, and she curled up into him. "I knew that you wouldn't turn me away. Despite how much you hate me, I knew."

"I don't hate you, darlin'," he drawled lowly, and she laughed mirthlessly. "What? I don't. You amaze me, frustrate me, upset me, sure. But hate? Never." He was surprised when she nuzzled her face into his chest and then he was stroking her hair lightly, comforting her like he would Penelope, if she had come to him crying in the middle of the night.

"I want a glass of wine so badly right now."

Her frank statement caught him off-guard. Derek knew about her fight with alcohol, had been the one to pack her off to rehab, but somehow he had pushed the fact that it would be a constant fight for her to the back of his mind. "Is that why you came to me?"  
She nodded. "I also knew that you wouldn't let me slip. Somehow, I just knew." Strauss gave in to her tears once more, and he felt them wet his chest, finally soaking through his shirt. Wordlessly, he ran his hand down from her hair to her back, rubbing in gentle circles.

"Do you want to talk about why you're craving?"

She shrugged before burrowing in closer to him. "I was stupid and thought a weekend fling was the promise of something more. I wanted it to be something more. He didn't. I went to surprise him tonight, and he surprised me by having that young snip of a girl – Alison?"  
He knew she was talking about Seaver, and he sighed deeply. "Ashley."

"Ah, yes, Ashley. Anyway, she was fucking him, riding him like her life depended on. And then he caught my eye and winked before motioning me to join them. In that first moment, I wanted to claw both their fucking eyes out. And then, the cravings hit, so I came here."

He was a bit shocked at her vulgar language, but then he smiled. Typical Strauss, wanting to lash out at those who had hurt her, and yet, in that case, she was more than in the right. "I would have at least slapped him."

"What would the point of that have been? It's not like we were exclusive. We just spent two days in a hotel room screwing like rabbits in between his silly cigar panels." She hiccupped loudly, and then moved so that her head rested over his heart. "Alan left me, you know. Couldn't handle my trip to rehab. The kids went with him, couldn't wait to be rid of their bitch of a mother. And then, for one brief, shining, moment, I thought I had an opportunity to move on, to become something more. I guess I wasn't meant for that."

"Oh, Erin," he breathed out, feeling his heart break for her in that moment. "Someday, you're going to find that one who loves you and won't desert you. I promise."

"You shouldn't make promises you have no way of keeping, Derek," she said softly, tightening her grip on his shirt as she drew in a deep, shaky, breath. "I'll be fifty in September, after all. Bitter, past my prime, so moody that no one would want me. I just have to get used to that."

Once more, her words tore at his heart, and he wished that he could make her see that they were the furthest thing from the truth. "No, you don't." She just shrugged against his chest, and he tightened his arms around her, wanting to comfort her in his own small way. "You, like everyone else, was made to find that special one, just for you. Momma always told me that, to keep searching until you find that special one."

"And you've found yours in Penelope Garcia," she said wistfully. "The two of you really do make a handsome couple."

"And we're the best of friends, nothing more."

"Oh." Her voice was small, and then she nuzzled her face into his chest once more, yawning widely. "I guess I'm a little tired. I should probably go now, the craving has passed."

He shook his head. "No, you'd better stay the night. After the crying jag you just had, I wouldn't trust you on the road." She began to protest, but he pressed a single finger against her lips, stilling her words. "You take my bed, I'll sleep here on the sofa."

Finally, she nodded her assent, pressing her lips against his finger. Derek was certain it was a purely involuntary reaction, but it still caused desire to pool in his groin. Erin had to have noticed, since she sat up a little, pulling away from him. "I'll have to borrow one of your t-shirts, then. I cannot sleep in my clothes, since I have to drive home in the morning."

"Of course, Erin. Just follow me, then." He gently helped her to stand, and she wobbled a bit before gaining her balance, resting her hand on his arm. It burned, literally burned, where she touched him, and he wondered what sort of sorceress she was to weave a spell around him so quickly. And then she was looking up at him, her lashes spiky from her tears, her eyes darkened to a deep sapphire, and he felt his breath sucked from his lungs. "Beautiful," he murmured, and she blushed, not looking away from him, even as he lowered his lips to cover hers.

It was a soft kiss, and he loved the feel of her thin lips touching his. She groaned slightly, returning the kiss before pulling away from him. "Your bedroom, please. I'm rather tired." She was blushing even redder, and he knew the request was not for him to join her. Rather, she was ready to sleep, to block out what had happened to her that night.

"Whatever my princess wants," he replied, clasping her hand as he began to lead her to his room. She shook her head, reaching over to smack his arm lightly at his teasing tone. He loved the fact that she reacted just like his Baby Girl would have and he tightened his hand around hers. "All right, fine, my queen."

"Quit teasing, Agent Morgan."

"I like it better when you call me Derek. It sounds better rolling off your tongue than Agent Morgan." She sighed a little, finally nodding as he turned them into his bedroom. "Take a seat on the bed while I pull out something for you to wear."

"All right." She sank down, hugging her knees close to her chest, watching him intently as he dug through his drawers to find a shirt for her. It was a cool night for May, so he pulled out a long sleeved FBI shirt, one he usually used for going on runs with Clooney in the fall. He also took out a pair of pajama pants, hoping she could pull the drawstring tight enough to hold them up. "Thank you," she murmured absently, taking the clothes from his hands.

"You are more than welcome," he replied, bending down to kiss the top of her head. She let out another heart wrenching sigh, and he knelt to enfold her in a tight hug. He knew that was the best thing to help a broken heart, having held Penelope the night after she had broken things off with Kevin. Slowly, she released her legs and embraced him back, breathing in deeply. "Sleep tight, pretty lady."

"I'll try." She let go of him and stood up, her fingers fiddling with the top button on her blouse. "Thank you for taking me in tonight," she said as she slipped that first button from its hole. Morgan nodded once more before turning on his heel and leaving the room.

Clooney whined at him, going to the closed bedroom door and scratching a little. "Sorry, not tonight, boy. She needs her privacy, so it's the couch for both of us," he said as he rubbed the top of his dog's head.

The bedroom door cracked open a little, and she peeked out. "Uh, Derek, does Penelope keep…"

"The bottom left-hand drawer in the bathroom," he answered, hoping she wasn't half as embarrassed as he felt. He heard her scurry across the hall into the bathroom and settled on the couch, stretching out and trying to get comfortable. He had just about fallen asleep when he felt someone drape a blanket over him, making certain he was covered up.

Soft lips pressed against his forehead. "Sleep well, Derek," were the last words he heard before sleep overtook him.


	2. Chapter 2

A month later, they still had not spoken of the night she spent with him. She smiled at him more often, it was true, but not so much that anyone else would pick up on it. And he had begun to look for her in the hallways, in the elevator, anywhere they could possibly cross paths. She seemed to pick up on that, and had begun to walk the hallways more often, offering him tantalizing glimpses of her.

"Hey, Hot Stuff, who is running through that delicious brain of yours?" Garcia asked as she came up to him, wrapping her arm around his waist.

Derek smiled down at her tiredly. "No one, Baby Girl. I just want to get out of here and sleep this case away. It was really rough, you know?" She nodded against his arm, her fingers kneading softly into his upper arm.

"Why don't you head home, then? I know it was rough on all of us, our first case without Emily and the victims looking so much like her. I'll convince Hotch to let the rest of you go, too."

He let out a long breath, his eyes finally meeting Erin's in the hall. She seemed sad that day, the small smile she gave him never quite reaching her eyes, and he felt all his feelings reflected there. His hand twitched up and she shrugged, turning suddenly and scurrying back to her office. "That sounds like heaven , Penelope."

"What are you waiting for? Go." She gently pushed him towards the door and he made his way to his office, picking up his bag before heading out to the elevators. Derek tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for the car to make its arrival, and soon, Dave was joining him.

"Once Hotch gave the order, I was out the door. It will be nice to have an afternoon off."

"Why, planning on spending it in Seaver?" he asked snidely, and the older man narrowed his eyes as he turned to look at him. "What? Didn't think some of us would find out? She still talks to Reid, a lot."

"She's on an undercover assignment at the moment. She won't be home for another week or longer."

"Oh, so your place is home now. Nice." He pursed his lips, no longer wanting to speak to the man, quickly losing respect for him at his callous treatment of… He broke off his line of thought, not wanting to admit that he had been about to think of her as his Erin. Which was ridiculous, she was nothing more than a colleague who had turned to him in a moment of need.

In a daze, he drove home, trying not to think of the elephant in the room. It was a losing battle, however, and he found himself running through the times they had met gazes in the hallway, the particular way she had started smiling at him. "Penelope would say that I had it bad," he murmured aloud as he pulled into his parking spot.

Clooney was barking for him the moment he heard the key in the lock and Derek grinned, clipping on his leash and heading out for a walk around the block to clear his head. When he returned, he was only semi-surprised to see her standing outside his door. She was pacing back and forth, as if trying to convince herself that this was a good idea. "Hey, pretty lady, what brings you by?"

She met his eye, hers red-rimmed from crying. Wordlessly, he opened his arms and she stepped into them, resting her head on his chest as his arms closed around her slim frame. "You left early. This case really got to you, too."

"Too?" he asked as he unlocked his door, leading her inside. She nodded as they went over to the couch and sat. "What do you mean?"

"Ever since Milwaukee, I force myself to review everything about your cases. The crime scene photos you're sent, the descriptions of what happens to the victims, everything. After all these years, I still haven't developed a tough enough skin."

He looked down at her and she shrugged a little, her lips pursed tightly, like she was trying to keep from crying. "It's no wonder you developed a drinking problem."

"No, the pictures and everything only exacerbated a problem that I already had, Derek. I should have been stronger, I know the job you do. It just doesn't seem to get to you all as much as it does to me, so I must be weak."

He pulled her close to his chest once more, rubbing her back in soft circles. "Erin Strauss, you are not weak. You were just never given the tools to handle what we do. That's part of the classes we take, finding a coping mechanism that works for us. I do manual labor, flipping houses and apartments for a profit. Penelope has her group that she leads. I've heard rumors that Reid likes to translate obscure French and German texts into English, but I can't be certain about that one."

Derek heard a faint laugh bubble up out of her and he joined with her. "That seems like a perfectly Reid thing to do," she said lowly, making herself more comfortable in his arms. "I'm sorry that I keep turning to you like this. It's just, I have no one I feel comfortable talking to right now. I haven't been able to open myself up."

"I understand, Erin. Everyone needs to have one person in their life that they're totally honest with, can tell anything to. I'm just surprised that it's me."

"Why wouldn't it be you? You've always made me proud…" Her voice trailed off, as if she knew that she had revealed something very personal about herself to him. "I'm glad it was you, you know, who took me to rehab. If Aaron had done that, I would never have forgiven him."

"Yes, well, you reminded me of Reid. Couldn't turn anywhere for help, thinking you had to keep it to yourself. You were the one that said in what world would this ever be all right. Reid told me something along those very lines after he had been found out. And yet, everything is all right, now, isn't it?"

She shook her head. "No, but things are better now. I like better."

He nodded, shifting her a little so that her head rested on his chest. "I like that you smile at me, Erin."

She nuzzled her face into his shirt, and he knew that she was buying time, trying to think up something to excuse her behavior. "Yes, well, you rescued me that night. My heart may have softened a bit."

The honesty surprised him, and he cuddled her close. Her arms tightened around his waist as she sighed. "I rather like that soft heart of yours, my queen."

"You don't have to tease me, Derek. I'm not exactly your best friend."

"No, but you are a friend." He dipped his head down to press his lips against the top of hers, breathing in the subtle scent of sandalwood. He couldn't seem to stop the reaction his body had to her and he shifted uncomfortably, not wanting to hurt or embarrass her.

"You know, I wouldn't mind if we took care of your needs," she mumbled, her voice coming out broken and lost.

"No, Erin. One doesn't use their friends like that. I'm not Dave, I wouldn't hurt you that way." She turned in his arms, raising her head to capture his lips in a soft kiss. "What was that for?"

"For being so sweet. You really are a good man, Derek Morgan. I wish I had met someone like you earlier in my life. I think I could be happy with someone like you." She stretched out along him, resting her head on his chest once more as she yawned deeply. "Maybe not happy so much as content," she said as she relaxed against him. He could tell that she had fallen asleep on him by the way her body pressed against his and he smiled as he began to run his fingers through her hair.

"Oh, Erin," he whispered, picking her up and carrying her to his bedroom. Clooney jumped on the bed, curling up around her feet, looking up at him expectantly. "Oh, no, boy. It is your job to watch over her while she naps. Okay?"

His pet gave a soft woof in reply and Derek left the room, knowing that she was safe there. Going over to his couch, he plopped down and pulled out his phone, calling Penelope. "What's up, Sugar?"

"Maybe I just wanted to hear your voice, beautiful. You're still stuck at work, aren't you?"

"Yeah, a computer tech's work is never finished. Hotch decided to stay, too, at least for a little bit. Strangest thing, though. Strauss left not long after you did."

Derek heard the suggestion in her voice, and knew he had to nip that in the bud before she began a rumor about them in the bullpen. "Really? Wonder what bug got into her, she never takes off early."

"I have no idea, sweetness. Maybe she had to get away from everything for a little bit. I totally understand that. I wish she would open up to us more."

"I think she would like that, Baby Girl. Maybe it was high time we started treating her with respect and caring." He wondered a little at the words that were tumbling from his lips, and yet he knew every one of them to be true.


	3. Chapter 3

It was late the next night she came to him, standing on his stoop. He threw on the light, feeling cranky and snappish until he looked at her face. She had been crying again, and in her hand was a bottle of rum. "Come inside, Queenie," he said lowly, ushering her in and leading her over to the couch. "Did you…"

"No, it's still sealed. Will you please take it and dump it down the drain before I break down further and try to drink it?"

He nodded and took the bottle from her, quickly making his way into the kitchen and pouring the alcohol out before returning to her. "What is it tonight, darlin'?"

"My birthday. No one remembered, not even my children. I'm so lonely, Derek." He filed away the date of her birth – July seventeenth – before cuddling her close to his heart. Her tears dampened his shirt and he rubbed her back, whispering lowly in her ear about how she was wanted, cared for, and soon, her tears stopped.

"What would you like tonight, Queenie?" he asked, bringing his lips close to her ear as he breathed out those words.

She shivered and stretched out her hand on his chest. "I want to be held. I want to feel someone's skin against mine, to be enveloped in warmth, even if it is an illusion. I need an illusion of happiness tonight. But I cannot ask that of you, Derek. It would be inappropriate of me, and…"

"No one needs to know. I'm good at keeping a secret, and I'm sure you are, too. If that is what makes you feel better tonight, I am more than willing to be that warm body against yours." Standing, he gently tugged her up against him, pulling her close to him. He breathed in the scent of her perfume, hoping she would relax against him, let him in. "What do you say?"  
"Yes," she breathed out, entwining her fingers with his, letting him lead her to his bedroom. Derek flipped on the light, but he was surprised when she went over to the window and pulled the shade tight, blocking out the soft light of the moon. "Turn around, please. Or turn off the light. You don't have to see me."

"Doesn't a lover watch his beloved disrobe?"

Erin blushed a bright red. "Well, yes, but we're just pretending. Aren't we?"

"To keep the illusion real, don't we have to go through the motions? Trying to skip over something would just make it seem fake and cheap. I do not want this to be cheap, my lovely queen." She smiled at him, tears pooling in her eyes. "I'll even begin."

Derek pulled his t-shirt over his head, letting it fall to the floor. She stared at him, her eyes raking over his chest and down to the buckle of his belt. It was hard to keep from being aroused at her interest, and he shifted himself as he undid the belt and his jeans, pushing them down to the floor, leaving his boxers in place.

"My turn, then, I guess." She fumbled with the buttons on her blouse, and he watched the smooth skin of her chest slowly become visible. Her bra was frilly and lacy, something that surprised him. He had expected to see plain, pale, fabric covering her breasts. She shrugged the blouse off her shoulders, letting it pool around her waist, still tucked in her skirt. As she stepped out of her shoes, losing several inches to him, she reached behind her back to unclasp the bra, letting it slip down her body to join his shirt on the floor.

Under his gaze, her nipples pebbled into hard points and she quickly crossed then uncrossed her arms across her chest. "You're beautiful," he whispered as he took a tiny step towards her. Blushing, she unzipped her skirt and let the clothes come to rest at her feet, a matching pair of panties all that covered her skin. "May I hold you now?"  
"Yes." He nodded and closed the distance between them, wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her flush against his body. She was cool to the touch, like she had been sculpted from marble, soft, living, marble. Her hands splayed out against his back as she nuzzled her cheek into his chest. "You're so hard, strong. Like a tree." And then she turned her face and pressed her lips against his heart.

Derek let out a soft breath as he maneuvered them over to his bed, slowly drawing her down with him. Erin stretched out along his body, her breasts flattening against his chest as she pressed herself ever closer to him. "You can't disappear into me, darlin', no matter how hard you try. It doesn't quite work that way."

"I know," she said lowly. "But I love feeling you here with me. I've missed contact like this." Again, she pressed her lips to his chest and then she yawned. "This may go down as the worst birthday I've ever had."

"Even now that you're here in my arms?"

"Well, no. That's the best part of this evening." He knew when she began to cry, since he could feel the tears fall against his chest. Derek began to rub her back in gentle sweeping motions. "I still remember my favorite birthday."

"Tell me about it, my queen."

She laughed a little. "I really wish you wouldn't call me that. I don't mind darling, but the other implies something that I'm not willing to have with anyone at the moment. Even though I am lying here, almost naked, in your arms."

"I can do that, darlin'." He kissed the top of her head and she squirmed around a little trying to get in a more comfortable position. "Now tell me about your favorite birthday."

"Alan and I had just gotten married about four months before and to celebrate my special day, he brought home a gorgeous cream pearl pendant."

"Really? Jewelry is what made it the best birthday ever?"

Erin smacked his arm as she shook her head. "No, Derek. That was the first part of his gift. The second was the positive pregnancy tests. I was so very, very, happy that evening. They didn't even email me, you know. Nothing."

She began to sob and he stopped stroking her back to hold her tightly to his chest. "I have no idea what that feels like, Erin. I can't say I know what you're going through. But I'm here, and I won't let you go. Happy birthday." He went to kiss the crown on her head once more, only to encounter her lips. He groaned a little as she deepened the kiss, her hands skimming down his back to rest on his hips.

"Derek, I miss them so badly. Kiss me again? Erase the pain, please."

He sighed. "I don't think that I can do that, darlin'. We wouldn't respect each other in the morning, and somehow, I really want you to respect me. Another kiss might lead to something more, and…"

"I wish I had fallen in love with a man like you," Erin blurted out, blindly pressing her lips to his, as if throwing caution to the wind.

It took everything in his being to gently push her away and look into her blue eyes, still swimming with tears. "There's still time to find a guy like me out there." Even as he said those words, he felt his heart clench, as if he was throwing away a golden opportunity at happiness. Which made no sense, since she was his boss, she held the fate of his career in her hands.

"I don't think there is another man like you. And I can't let myself fall in love with you. Dave was too close, you know? So I'll only have tonight." She brought his hand up to her breast, closing his fingers around the soft, warm, globe. "I want this?"  
"Oh, my darlin' queen, no, you will regret this in the morning, trying to trade one craving for another. I will hold you tonight, okay?"

Erin shrugged, her eyes clouding over with pain. "I guess." He absently stroked his finger over her nipple, feeling it tighten even further. A soft whimper escaped from her throat and she arched into him. "You want this."

"Yeah, I do, Erin. I'm not going to lie about that. But you deserve something special, something more. If, when we wake up, you still want me to make love to you, I will. I want you to be thinking clearly when you make that decision."

She sighed softly, nuzzling her cheek against his upper arm. "Thank you," she whispered before flipping onto her other side, scooting back against him until the only thing that separated them was the thin barrier of their underwear. "Good night, Derek."

"Good night, Erin." She yawned and then brought his hand up to her breast once more, encouraging him to touch her as they slept. Derek found he couldn't say no to this invitation, and he closed his hand around the firm flesh, smiling as he let sleep claim him.


End file.
